Given the road, radio, and my thoughts.... I've learned that thoughts can become haunting. Especially for someone who has made the statement, "I avoid myself at all costs." Honesty seems to be a trend lately.... or lack of honesty. Either way, it has made a prevalent debut in my life lately.
Somehow, in the quiet life that I live I managed to mail my medical insurance card to Netflix. Now, I knew that I had "misplaced" it when I cracked my skull in a wreck around Thanksgiving break, and had to pay out of pocket. Two things to observe here: 1) yes.... I've had the same movies for 3 months before I found time to return them. 2) They mailed the card back to me, once I returned their movies. Amazing, huh. I never would have imagined that when Dad said he had put the mail on the countertop, I would discover something I hadn't realized I'd truly lost.
At this point, I conceded that since I had contemplated honesty for the past 10 hours on a road-trip, I should just write down my thoughts, or questions. Humans by nature are curious creatures.... we ask for answers, and then we get the truth, we avoid/deny it. Being the human I am, I pray for answers, drive hours to see answers for myself, but when honesty looks me in the face.... I run. See the conundrum?
If honesty brings joy or pain.... we are still greater for having a piece of the truth shown to us. Yes. It took me 10 hours to figure this out. And, I'm not sure that I've really figured it out. Here is what I don't understand... why as humans do we choose to deny things that while involve some risk, can end up wonderful? I guess the answer would be because they could also end up just as painful.
So this is how I end tonight......
I have managed some to come face to face with some painful truths in the past couple of days. I know I am not the only one in this predicament...so I feel compassion for those that I know who suffer and those who I don't know. What I don't understand, is why WHY is it so hard to be willing to open your eyes to the truth when the possibility of good so obviously outweighs any risk????
We are told that we will never be tested beyond what we can handle. It doesn't say we will never fear, suffer pain, question, be joyful, etc. We are told that we CAN handle what we are given.
So my hope now is that I truly believe I can handle whatever comes my way. I know I can't handle it alone, but that I will never truly be alone. I also believe that God designed woman to man's companion. So if this is one of the ways I am to be a tool for Him... then that is what I will do. We read of great men in the Bible who never had a woman to stand by his side, and we also read of women without a man at their side. I am confident that if ultimately I am meant to stand alone for the cause, then that is what I will do. This doesn't change my prayer to not only find the someone to stand by, but that I am honest with him and he is honest with me..... think of how much more quickly we can accomplish good! And until that day comes at night I pray.
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