At some point in a person's life there is a moment of clarity where all of the pain, suffering, challenges, joys, etc. make sense in the bigger picture. Although God has made us in His image, we are all designed with unique fingerprints, dna, personalities, and so forth that make us an autonomous being with free will. The beauty is that each person has their own moment of clarity that allows them to share something with others that quite possibly no one else in the world will understand, at that moment.
Grounded. I will be the first person to admit that this particular world has evolved in meaning for me over time. When I was in high school, and well middle school, it meant a time where privileges were revoked because of some rule I had broken. I will be honest, I spent more time grounded than ungrounded. I don't have traumatic memories of this, but they surely aren't my favorite. Today, being "grounded" has a completely different meaning.
Grounded. I tend to get so wrapped up in the moment, that I forget the bigger picture, and sometimes what side I'm even trying to advocate for. Fortunately, I have someone in my life who keeps me grounded. It's amazing how I can be so unsure of myself and the work I'm doing and after 1 hour and a cup of hot chocolate the word seems to make better sense. If I had not suffered some great pain earlier in my life when things didn't work out with the one I thought was "the one," I fully believe that the bond shared today would not be as real. Pain is something that he and I both understand. However, unlike reveling in the pain and having a pessimistic outlook, after spending an hour discussing random things, spiritual things, lessons learned and missed, I feel better than I have in a week.
Why? What on earth could sharing pain with someone, or fear, bring such a positive and hopeful feeling? I don't have the answer. Maybe it's the comfort of knowing that there is someone out there who doesn't just have compassion, but can truly understand the paralyzing fear one must overcome to admit they like someone, and forget admitting anything deeper. It could be the hope of being able to look someone in the eye and say I know that I am able to help understand your pain and questions without judgment because I've been there. And finally, sometimes it's just the comfort of knowing that there are prayers for encouragement on your behalf.
So today I was grounded. Grounded in the most beautiful form. In the midst of a hectic day where all sorts of things may not be going as planned, and my self insecurities are at their highest, for one short hour it was just he and I and the truth. It is never an intention to go for hot chocolate with someone leading to deep conversations. Most people who have been around me or very long will tell you, I'll avoid myself and my feelings at all costs. But being able to look into the brown eyes of a friend and know that I am not alone in my thinking, and the pain and fear that has led up to my insecurities are some of the foundations of our friendship
The friendship has evolved to something much more beautiful than that. It's a matter of family. I would do anything in power, and try to accomplish what is not in my powers if I knew that it could help this individual's life in any way. Why this all seems to be one sided, believe me it is not. Just listening to a guy explain how things are, and aren't in a logical rational matter that is straight honest is a rare jewel to find. Guys generally are raised to treat ladies as just that, and under no circumstances do you hurt them.
I can type a blog that tells my deepest fears and in mind as soon as I press submit, no one will ever read. It's much easier for an individual to write via, email, chat, text, etc. that things aren't going to work out. I don't necessarily think this is wrong. Each individual will know. However, there is nothing sweeter than looking a close friend/family in the eyes and being brutally honest about feelings. It doesn't mean that we are all destined to find that one person who we can tell our sorrows too- we all do- Jesus. However, some of us are lucky to have a friend who will listening to our confusion, pain, and fear without judgment. I do know that there is nothing as comforting as just being able to voice my insecurities, and instead of automatically trying to fix the problem, figure out what went wrong, etc. They listen in love and peace.
Summary- grounded. I was grounded today. I was reminded by spending 1 hour with an amazing man that I would do anything for, it helped me to realize that everything I may have considered wrong, absurd, or even foolish for putting it out there that it doesn't end at of the work day. or After church. I am so lucky to Drake as the person that keeps me grounded. To listen without patience and judgment, but to know exactly when to offer the write words, even if it's an I'll pray for you later.... It definitely works as a blessing at the end of the day.
Funny how things do won't work- whether it be the guy you were convinced you were going to marry 8 years ago, or the girl you are terrified that might just decide to run. I am grounded to know that no matter what happens, I will be taken care of. No it doesn't make the part where things don't work out with the guy "funny" but i was the closest I could come to using it in as non-serious way possible.
So thank you- for the hot chocolate, the trust, and reminder that things will always work out. I am always here for you as well. That's what families are for. I know that it can be difficult to say things to someone like "he's not interested" or "it's not like that" Families will look you in the eye and say WITH LOVE, I know this is what you want, but you need to start thinking about do I wan t wait around for this fellow or should i while waiting for the guy who will sweep me off my feet...... In the end.... It all goes back funny how things work out... or don't. I'm just glad that given time I can, and have, moved on from aspects of my life, and help others the best advice I honestly think I could.
So Here Is My Life of Things I wish students and older adults would understand. It's not about the money. It's not about the appearance, or the fear of something to going terribly wrong. You will never know the answer unless you ask. Having said all of that - TAKE THE RISK! this is one of those times that could end up great for them, or ii';Either way you are gaining experience and love that you will eventually pass along.
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