Why I Write

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

If I put my thoughts into words, I tend to read and re-read what I have written to make sure what I have written makes sense and is not as likely to cause more trouble for myself. The context of guarding your heart includes not allowing corrupt things to come from your mouth. Again, writing forces me to determine how badly I want that thought to be out there for the world to hear.

My best friend in the entire world is 9 hours away. I love my family, my job, and the people here. Nothing replaces my best friend. She was there for me when the love of my life broke my heart, when my best friend crushed my heart and trust for mankind, when I walked across the stage, and many other adventure since our friendship. To say that I miss her would be the understatement of the century.

I know that we end up where we are in life for a reason. There is a reason I am here, and I know that good works are being done. I can't say that if I were given a choice to go pick up my life in Oklahoma I would go back. It would be a hard decision, but right now- here is where I belong.

Having that said, I can now say without any guilt that I am so completely homesick. I miss being able to call up Dani Rose and say I've had the most awful day, week, month of my life and within 20 minutes she will have me giggling and remind me of some of the times in life that has been worse. She would understand, and be able to give me answer when I ask, "when is the friendship worth mending, or just walk away?" "Should I really wears heel to work?" or one of my latest questions... "why, oh why did I agree to get a kitten?"

Seriously, she knows how awful I have always been at relationships, work wise, friendships, dating, enemies... I always get confused and feel awkward, so I end up saying what I mean (I seldom lie) but it always comes out hurtful or without even getting my point across.

We get to talk, but we are both living incredibly busy lives right now. My plan is to find time to actually ask her the aforementioned questions and get some answers. I guess he question I would add to that would be... "blind date- yes or no?" and "can I pull of the hippie look ok?"

Until then here is where I stand... fairly heart-broken (sometimes it can hurt worse when it's only a friendship), sore feet, sweet little kitten named Sheba... and as for the blind date. Well, I'll do what I always do, bail. As for the hippie look... I kinda like it, and so it stays. =)

This is why I write. It lets me acknowledge the pain, and as my daddy says, "put on my big girl britches and deal with." Monday- bring it on!

While I may be a low-maintenance person who rarely opens up to how I feel....when I do, it's probably been because I've been hurting for awhile. I just haven't had the nerves to put it out there for the world to read.

Dani Rose- I WLL come find you soon.