A Rare Admission

Somewhere along the journey, I have forgotten one of my most profound realizations. This hardly doesn't seem right for someone who has chosen to title their blog "A Work in Progress." Nine years ago I realized that I had received more love in my life that some people will ever know. As awkward as I can be at times with people, God has continually shown me love through others.

Falling in love is something that tends to come unexpectedly, and can leave a handprint on the heart. It was this that made me realize how fortunate I was to have had that kind of love at one time. I was blessed to learn that lesson when I was 21 years old. It has allowed me to look at life with a smile, and know how lucky I am.

Everything so far is something that I have told people frequently when asked why I don't ever bother to really put myself out there. It's a standard answer that allows me to pacify someone who desires that I know what love is, without really having to answer a question. The rare admission is this- while I lived in Oklahoma I was fortunate enough to meet a few wonderful guys. I did them a disservice in the fact that because of my fear, a fear that paralyzes, I never gave it a full chance to turn a growing relationship into something that could have been amazing. To those- I apologize. As for here in Tennessee, I haven't even managed to find the courage to go on a proper date. Doing a self-check on my work in progress would leave me to give myself a pitiful failing grade.

So I guess, if I am a work in progress.. then I am supposed to be working on myself. I have tried this theory of opening myself to others. I still not sure if I am even good at it. I guess that is a questions you can ask the handful of close friends that I have. I already know the answer to if I have made any progress when it comes to opening myself up to the opportunity for love. I seem to find myself making a small step forward here and there, and then turning and running at the first chance I can get. Usually, that first chance is one that doesn't really exist...but I can pretend it's there. I know that it is causing me to miss out on a great deal of joy in my life. I am still trying to overcome the fear of being rejected or worse... not being rejected and doing something myself to mess it up.

Hopefully, somewhere along the way I will meet someone who can learn to love me, fear and all, and hold my hand to remind me that being scared isn't such a bad thing. A life without risk, surely shall be a life without many treasures. Because that, is something I want. A true love.
Love
Rae

Expect no more blogs of this type- I watched Letters to Juliet earlier....and well... I found myself typing