Em um bom lugar

Foreward:
I'm watching one of my favorite movies, and one of the best lines is coming up- so I'll share. "We must all fear evil men. but there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men." Wow. That is a powerful statement.
Boondock Saints

Blog:
The titel of the blog is "in a good place." I have learned in the past couple of months that no matter how healthy you feel physically, emotionally, or spiritually- your surroundings can have a huge impact on bringing you up or dragging you down. A wise woman stated that the only way to feel inferior is to let someone make you feel inferior. Eleanor Roosevelt said that. (Although that is not the direct quote, it's the principle of the issue).

Spending time away from home & returning has led me to create a lot of mental lists. My OCD kicks in at some point, and so I give in to the whims and create the lists just to keep myself from becoming to obsessive. These lists have been: what is it about my life down there, that I know needs to be alive in me here. Or what part of my life up here did I manage to sacrifice down there, and realize that I can truly live without. Are my priorities set in the wrong place? There are a lot of lists like this running through my mind.

Here is the biggest one: what is keeping me from being happy; or put another way, what can I do to be happy?
While this may seem to be a selfish statement, especially given the paragraphs above, for someone who truly knows me, they know a lot of my life is given with others in mind and little to myself. At the true core of myself I want to serve God, and do His will. My interpretation of that is that one day in the future I will do foreign mission work. If God has other plans for me, I will be okay with that as well. I have learned that in life we have to adjust, and so I pray that that I will have the wisdom to recognize and not fight what God's will is for me. I do well away from home. It's because I have the faith that my family is still walking in the Lord's path and they are supporting me.

To me, whether it be taking off on my own and serving God in a foreign field, or finding someone who shares the same love and passions I do to work with... it is in my future. I have felt for a long time now that there has been a weight on m chest holding me back. Something has been keeping me from acting like I am in my 20s. I realize that I am not so young, but when I think about why people my age are doing.... my mind comes up blank. I started this blog to find myself along a journey. All I have found so far is that my tolerance for a child's vomit is growing, I am strong enough to stand up and ask for what I want/need at work, but I have no idea what I want or need in my personal life.

I have had the pleasure to meet a lot of nice guys this summer, in fact an incredibly sweet guy. I wouldn't know what to do, or where to go and any thought of impossibility would make me stop cold. Friends.. I am great at that. I could be incredibly attracted to the person, and if I know I don't have to worry about crossing a line... there is no stress for me. If only I could carry that over.

My goal: the next blog will have something in it that I have accomplished as young girl my age. Not an employee, daughter, sister, etc... but as me. =)

By the way, I am open to suggestions for fun activities I should be doing. My mind is literally drawing a blank =(