Time for Sleep or Reflection

I have found myself up at 4 in the morning quite a few nights now. Believe me this is not a choice. I take enough medicine to help me sleep it would probably put a normal person out for a day. Oh well. The night is a time when the brain uses the body to repair itself. I'm not quite sure how it works....either I need a lot of help, or I am doing really good. :)


I have been very blessed to have 2 friends from another country come to school here this semester. While we have been able to keep in touch via email, skype, instant chat, etc. There is nothing like being able to give them a hug and see by the look on their face how their day has been.

In self-reflection, I know that I tend to forget the importance on personal interaction with others. I have always just been okay with texting, email, etc. But the longer I am away from Oklahoma the more I realize how wrong I am. There are certain people that God brings into your life for a reason. Sometimes this can be for a short time, or a life-time. I believe with Dani, it's for a life-time. We miss out on each other's lives so much. There really aren't words to describe how badly I miss her. She is more than a friend, she's a sister to me. She has always given me the basic down to earth advice I needed, when she knew I really needed it. She also knew when a little fun was just what I needed. So I am now patiently waiting for payday so I can go visit her. I have so much to tell her and to ask her opinion on.

The beginning of this semester has been crazy busy. I have consciously tried to hang out with people more, and that has been a lot easier since the ones I have been around are truly some of the closest friends I have. I am much more comfortable around them, and so this has been a good improvement for me. For me, right now, this is the happiest I have been in a long time. I think because I will be seeing Dani soon, I've been able to spend time with the family, and catch up with some really good friends. Oh, and Mort is back inside again as an in-door/outdoor house dog. Unfortunately, after biting me, Drill Bit ran away. I have tried doing everything I can to look for him, but nothing has worked. That is something that has been not so fun lately.

Now if I could just sleep..........

Letters and Numbers

It amazes me how two number 51, or I don't feel the same, you were wrong this time, etc. It seems that wherever we go we can be haunted by these symbols and characters that follow us around. Taunting us, reminding us of our dreams, failures, almosts, and successes.

What about the number 28. While I could give you a textbook list of accomplishes and other important achievements, I still can't answer the basic question "who am I" and "what do I want to be doing"? I love my job, but my dream job is to be a missionary out in the field doing God's work. I feel like somewhere deep down inside me it's there....waiting....my potential. I just stay so overwhelmed and struggling to stay afloat that it keeps getting pushed back. So the biggest number i see is zero- which is about my confidence level these days.

So if you see me I don't necessarily answer or response it means I'm in my own little world trying to make a peace with myself that will allow me to face the world. It is much harder for some of than for others. And lately it's been a real struggle. I am not the type to talk through things, and did quite a bit of that earlier....it didn't work out so well. So please pray that this slump will go away soon. And if you know me on a more personal level.... please be patient and forgiving if it seems like I am bailing on you. It's not that I don't enjoy speaking or being with you..right now I am just haven't to work a little harder on myself for awhile.

Yes, I need help and prayers. I am not ready to talk it through yet though, so please be patient. And I know you will try to be because I am surrounded by amazing people. I just wish I could be amazing for them back.

It's A Great Day

It's been a great day. Yep. There's something about this time of year that I just love. It's hard to put into words. Usually I am able to write what I am thinking a lot easier than I am able to speak it. I've been really happy lately, and I have been trying find the reason or words to express why things have been going so great.

I have come to the conclusion that everything is what is so great. No, I'm not delusional. Yes, my life does have stress and the occasional crisis. The thing is that even during those times God has provided me with the support that I need to make it through those times. So I guess for tonight, the blog is short and sweet. Thank you God, I have been incredibly blessed.

Laughter and Intensity

I love to laugh. This is not something I have just figured out about myself, but it's a fact I thought I'd share. I'm sitting in a hotel room with the nice peace and quiet, and of course I have comedy on. I love to laugh. I have been having a conversation with a dear friend of mine about my fear of intensity. It's not like I want to run screaming from it, I'd rather just lie in a fetal position and wish the feeling away. So I'm trying to explain why I'm scared of things that are intense, when I realize that I myself and an intense person. Now, I'm incredibly laid back, but I noticed .... when I laugh- I laugh OUT LOUD. I don't know how many time I have been chided in church, before services, for laughing to loud. I dyed my hair red....bright red. So does this mean that I should be scared of myself, if I am intense?

I'd say that I've given this a lot of thought...but really I haven't. One thought just randomly led to the next. =)

So I guess the lessons to be learned from this blog
1. No mom, I'm not sorry, and I will continue to laugh loud
2. Yes, if you are intense... I may just shy away from you- or just sprint away as fast as I can.
3. Note how I mentioned the red hair..... I sure do wish I still had red hair.... I'm much better at feisty red head than bubbly blonde.

Now that your intelligence has dropped for reading this- have a great night!

True Love lyrics

Thanks to the one who suggested this song. It's amazing :)


True Love - SOJA

Just like the land that bear the name Africa,
Love is on my mind.
It’s for everyone no matter where you’re from,
Love, it cross all lines.
Like the feeling of all the seasons changing,
Love is a memory
And in these last days, when iniquity blazing,
Truth Love Speaks.

Chorus:I need true love
Do you know what you mean to me
Does it show as I live and I breath
In the valley of the shadow, I know you’ll be.
I defense, I conquer death
I conquer the enemy (envy).

What is love really if it only affects, one aspect of life?
That’s like a musician who only accepts, his own musical type.
That’s like a preacher who only respects sunday morning, and not
saturday night
That’s how a soldier can come to reflect,
that Love is more than a man and a wife.

In a time of plenty, Jah gonna keep I strong.
Things get how and I keep cool, yeah,
Jah gonna keep me strong.
When InI cup is empty,
Jah gonna keep I strong.
When InI cup is full, yeah,
Jah keep I from their temptation.

Happiness & Peace

The past 24 hours I have reflected on my blessings. Usually Thanksgiving is the day that people blog about their blessings, but I wasn't around the internet then.

Over the break I was finally able to go back to Oklahoma and spend some much needed time with my best friends back home. We laughed and had all kinds of fun. It was so nice to finally be able to spend a full weekend with them. I get tempted every few months into moving back to Oklahoma. It's not that I don't love my job, and the people that I am around- it's just that I still get homesick. Anyway, hopefully I will be making my way back down there soon. =)

I then got to go to South Carolina with some Amazing people. I was given the opportunity to travel to an area I had never been and observe God's amazing creation. The week allowed me to cook for others (which was great since cooking is a passion of mine), spend time getting to know the people I was with, and getting some much needed rest. South Carolina is a beautiful place, and I would recommend everyone to go there if they have the opportunity.

Since I have been back, I have been able to see some of my family and talk to with a friend I hadn't spoken to in what seemed like forever.

Even though I know God is almighty, I am still awed by the abundance of blessings that He has shown me lately. I am forever grateful for this. It brings an inner peace and happiness. As amazing as things are now, I can't imagine how wonderful it will be when I am with Him one day in Heaven.

Prayers for Classmate =/

This is a message I just received from a high school classmate. If you read this, please pray for E.J. and his family.


Hello everyone, just wanted to let all know that I had the misfortune of working an accident on one of our classmates today, EJ Grant. He was banged up pretty bad. Broken leg, hip, sternum, knee cap as well as having a collapsed lung. No head bleed. He was air lifted from the scene to Parkland Hosptial in Dallas. He went into surgery for his leg and has since came out and is doing good. He has a chest tube in for the lung. He is intubated because he is heavily sedated. He has responded to people so that is a great sign. I will be going to see him tomorrow, Monday the 29th. He has a long road to recovery. The doctor has said that he may not be back home before Christmas. Please pray hard for him and his family as they fight through this.