I always have something to reflect on at the end of the semester. I promise I shall do this just as soon as I am back from Brazil. I am leaving out tomorrow after graduation. My 2 closest friends will be going on the mission trip with me, and I could not be more excited. As I was packing for the trip, a peace came over me. It's a peace that I haven't got to feel in a long time. The anticipation of going on a mission trip, and getting to show Christ's love through service to others.
It's also just as exciting that I am going to the hometown of a very good friend of mine. Anyway, pray for a successful mission trip.
I am so proud of those graduating, and those who aren't. Drake and some of the students organized a gift for me that is so precious, I will keep it close to my heart always. I have never felt that love and appreciation from a group of people, some I knew, some I did not know so well, but they all took time out of their busy schedule to encourage me. To me, that's an excellent example of Christian love.
okay.... now I'm just rambling
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Simplicity, Silence, Sincerity
Simply put - I have decided to break the silence and blog what is sincerely in my heart.
*That was an awful beginning sentence.. I was feeling sarcastic.
I spent 4 years in undergraduate school focusing on studying the human and why we think and act like we do. I should have completed the minor in anthropology, but instead just settled for graduating on time with the psychology degree. I then spent 3 years learning the law and how it affects humans and their nature.
Although my job is very public in nature, I am a very private person- or try to be. I am fascinated with people and their behavior. I originally wanted to go into forensic psychology, but was led in the direction of law instead. Someone convinced me I could help others better by training in law. My psychology and anthropology professors focused on how and why people think and act the way they do. Law professors - focused on the results and consequences of these actions. Learning about people has allowed me to try and help them in various ways. It's bigger than a career goal, or current job, I have always wanted to work in a service profession with others.
I have been blessed to spend time during the past 12 years in Central America doing mission work. I worked mainly in Jinotepe, Nicaragua- a place i call my second home. The sincerity I witnessed there is something that I have not been as fortunate to see as much here. Working long term in the mission field is what I want most. If I have a meaningful for purpose for why I am in public, or around a lot of people even in a small setting ... then I am more comfortable. In fact, this is one of the reasons why I am still working where I am.
Psychology & anthropology taught me the value of those who are sincere. It is a trait that is quickly losing its popularity. Silence can be seen as a form of sincerity. For example, taking a moment of silence out of respect for those who have lost their lives. Like all things in life, there are two sides. False sincerity and silence can be just powerful. Powerful and hurtful more exactly. Communication is necessary to get by day to day. For situations where we don't feel comfortable, or are unable, to communicate for ourselves we find ways. For example, lawyers. Lawyers are employed to communicate how the law and a specific set of facts, facts connected to an individual, are related. Although the clients may be angry or distraught, we were taught that the client being able to "be heard" is valuable as well as the end result of the lawsuit.
So after all of this rambling I conclude with this simple, yet vital thought: do you act in a way that is sincere with what your heart wants? and is this what God wants?
*That was an awful beginning sentence.. I was feeling sarcastic.
I spent 4 years in undergraduate school focusing on studying the human and why we think and act like we do. I should have completed the minor in anthropology, but instead just settled for graduating on time with the psychology degree. I then spent 3 years learning the law and how it affects humans and their nature.
Although my job is very public in nature, I am a very private person- or try to be. I am fascinated with people and their behavior. I originally wanted to go into forensic psychology, but was led in the direction of law instead. Someone convinced me I could help others better by training in law. My psychology and anthropology professors focused on how and why people think and act the way they do. Law professors - focused on the results and consequences of these actions. Learning about people has allowed me to try and help them in various ways. It's bigger than a career goal, or current job, I have always wanted to work in a service profession with others.
I have been blessed to spend time during the past 12 years in Central America doing mission work. I worked mainly in Jinotepe, Nicaragua- a place i call my second home. The sincerity I witnessed there is something that I have not been as fortunate to see as much here. Working long term in the mission field is what I want most. If I have a meaningful for purpose for why I am in public, or around a lot of people even in a small setting ... then I am more comfortable. In fact, this is one of the reasons why I am still working where I am.
Psychology & anthropology taught me the value of those who are sincere. It is a trait that is quickly losing its popularity. Silence can be seen as a form of sincerity. For example, taking a moment of silence out of respect for those who have lost their lives. Like all things in life, there are two sides. False sincerity and silence can be just powerful. Powerful and hurtful more exactly. Communication is necessary to get by day to day. For situations where we don't feel comfortable, or are unable, to communicate for ourselves we find ways. For example, lawyers. Lawyers are employed to communicate how the law and a specific set of facts, facts connected to an individual, are related. Although the clients may be angry or distraught, we were taught that the client being able to "be heard" is valuable as well as the end result of the lawsuit.
So after all of this rambling I conclude with this simple, yet vital thought: do you act in a way that is sincere with what your heart wants? and is this what God wants?
Saturday, April 3, 2010
No expectations
It's been incredibly difficult to keep up with the blog lately. Don't expect much of anything on here for awhile. Writing more of a book of thoughts/musings... I'll get around to sharing it sometime.
Monday, March 29, 2010
An Answer to the Silent Question
Here is a lesson I have learned in the last 3 days- when you have an infection in your lungs, and it feels like you are breathing water... well, talking isn't high on the priority list. This leaves a lot of time for reflection, prayer, reading....
No question is truly silent. Since He knows our thoughts, He will always know the questions on our heart. The answers, they come with patience and leaning completely on God. Everything else, is .... well.... not worth mentioning. :)
Thanks be to God for this powerful lesson - on questions and answers that is.
No question is truly silent. Since He knows our thoughts, He will always know the questions on our heart. The answers, they come with patience and leaning completely on God. Everything else, is .... well.... not worth mentioning. :)
Thanks be to God for this powerful lesson - on questions and answers that is.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Time Tells
Randomly, as of Sunday morning my bedroom clock is now the correct time. I never bothered to "fall back" and just calculated an hour off the time to make it correct. Now it's back to the correct time.
Today I was thinking about what was going on this time last semester. It's funny how things change, or sometimes they don't. Either way... time passes and continues to go forward.
Today I was thinking about what was going on this time last semester. It's funny how things change, or sometimes they don't. Either way... time passes and continues to go forward.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Every Mile a Memory
3 Random Stories and maybe a connection
1. Story One
If one is, let's just say 3 and half years younger than her brother, it would take quite a bit of running to always catch up in time to go play. Growing up I was allowed to play with Tommy and his friends on occasion. Most of the time we were on our way to the creek, and playing in the pasture to get there. One day I remember in particular. It was usually just my brother, me, and his best friend. On that day though, our neighbor came along as well. As odd as this sounds, I somehow ended up in the pasture with my feet covered in thorns/spurs. (It doesn't sound odd to find me somewhere without shoes....but we were a good half mile or so from the house) Anyway, it was quite painful, and I remember Tommy getting the neighbor to let me ride on his back the whole way home so that Tommy could help pick them out of my feet. I don't remember crying, or it being really that painful. I'm not entirely sure how I lost my shoes (although...it must have been a foreshadowing of my life these days), why Tommy didn't bring me back, but was there with me. Anyway, the walk from through the pasture was a long one. Me, being stubborn, would ever so often say "I can walk" and the friend, being a good friend, would let me down to try and pick me up when it hurt. That trip back to the house was one of the longest walks I remember. I was completely dependent on someone else to get back. That takes a lot of trust from me, but Tommy said it was okay and so I went.
2. Story Two
It was one of the coldest, dreariest, and without a doubt lonely walks I've ever had to make. In early spring, it is not unusual to find rainy days where it would be nice to curl up in bed and sleep it away. In this story you'll find yourself reading about a young lady who is at a grave site. She was there by the request of the individual who had just broke her heart and turned her world upside down. However, tragedy trumps broken heart every time, and so there I was. It was after the graveside service, and people were just paying respects, crying, etc. It was a family I had grown to know and love for three years, and so I to felt sorrow with them. Anyway, it was time for me to quietly, and with what little dignity I felt like I still had, make my way to the car and slip away. Of course I said goodbye... which literally was something like this : "I'm so sorry for your loss" "thanks" "I have to get back now" "ok" 'Bye" "bye" Not exactly one of the most memorable conversations. In fact, there is a good chance I just butchered that part. The part I remember is walking in the wet cemetery, completely alone, just hoping/wishing to hear something like, "stop" or "wait just a second" and then would come the part where he ran after me, we hugged ... and lived happily ever after. Well, that didn't come- but he is happily married to a beautiful young lady, and I am happy where I am. But the long, cold, walk that day still lives in my mind.
3. Story three
Bumps, ditches, potholes, all of these we tried to avoid while driving down the road. I was one of 7 or 8 sitting in the back of the pickup while we made our way to the nearest baptistry. My friend and I were chosen from the group to go be present at a very private baptism. It took us 45 minutes one way to get there, and as much as we aimed to avoid those bumps and potholes they just kept jumping out in front of us. However, 45 minutes later, legs numb from sitting, hands sore from holding on, I was able to witness one of life's most precious moments. When you are able to watch someone be baptized, it brings up all kinds of emotions. Love, compassion, joy, and of course memories of our own experiences. It truly is a special moment and it was a precious gift that the 2 outsiders were allowed to be present.
Tonight in class at church I heard an amazing lesson. It was on making the decisions in life that will basically define us, both now and twenty years from now. it started me thinking on different paths I've taken so far in life, and the choices I have made. There have been some defining decisions, but only one or two that would be of the caliber that would change my life significantly. I'm not sure how often these choices come but I do think in the past 2 weeks I was able to make one. I went back to visit my beloved Oklahoma that I truly miss these days. I found myself in a situation very similar to times before. It's one of those times that when you're with someone, and you might not be even the least bit attracted (although I was) you are there because it is how you would have behaved in previous years mainly for 2 reasons: night of fun or to get your mind of someone else. I was hoping for the latter. Although I had a perfectly good time, I would say that we both it wasn't the same.
I say that to say this. There was a part of me that just wanted to eat, see a movie, catch up on old times, and have an enjoyable night with a good friend. There was never any definite promise of something more, or not something more? Anyway, I chose to not even explore the possibility because where I am now, is worlds away. And when my ultimate goal is to be across the world from where I am doing God's work, that seemed like an obstacle. And in all reality, I just needed to get someone out of my mind, and remember that there is a world full of people. The lesson I learned: I have made some little choices in the last 3 years that have led me to react completely different in situations. I am by no means close enough to my relationship with God, but while I am patiently waiting for His will for me, I plan on learning everything I can about Him, and His Son Jesus. There have got to be 100 different ways every day I could influence someone. Am I making the right choices? My current choice is this: I choose to help those that I can, but I am not going to put my personal life on hold. When I get around to having the time for one, I plan balancing it with my other goals. I do truly believe this is part of God's will in my life.
My stories all surrounded me around people. People includes emotions like love, loss, and confusion. I know there will be plenty of stories about miles I've traveled, but I am confident that I will be making them walking in the direction my Lord wants me to.
1. Story One
If one is, let's just say 3 and half years younger than her brother, it would take quite a bit of running to always catch up in time to go play. Growing up I was allowed to play with Tommy and his friends on occasion. Most of the time we were on our way to the creek, and playing in the pasture to get there. One day I remember in particular. It was usually just my brother, me, and his best friend. On that day though, our neighbor came along as well. As odd as this sounds, I somehow ended up in the pasture with my feet covered in thorns/spurs. (It doesn't sound odd to find me somewhere without shoes....but we were a good half mile or so from the house) Anyway, it was quite painful, and I remember Tommy getting the neighbor to let me ride on his back the whole way home so that Tommy could help pick them out of my feet. I don't remember crying, or it being really that painful. I'm not entirely sure how I lost my shoes (although...it must have been a foreshadowing of my life these days), why Tommy didn't bring me back, but was there with me. Anyway, the walk from through the pasture was a long one. Me, being stubborn, would ever so often say "I can walk" and the friend, being a good friend, would let me down to try and pick me up when it hurt. That trip back to the house was one of the longest walks I remember. I was completely dependent on someone else to get back. That takes a lot of trust from me, but Tommy said it was okay and so I went.
2. Story Two
It was one of the coldest, dreariest, and without a doubt lonely walks I've ever had to make. In early spring, it is not unusual to find rainy days where it would be nice to curl up in bed and sleep it away. In this story you'll find yourself reading about a young lady who is at a grave site. She was there by the request of the individual who had just broke her heart and turned her world upside down. However, tragedy trumps broken heart every time, and so there I was. It was after the graveside service, and people were just paying respects, crying, etc. It was a family I had grown to know and love for three years, and so I to felt sorrow with them. Anyway, it was time for me to quietly, and with what little dignity I felt like I still had, make my way to the car and slip away. Of course I said goodbye... which literally was something like this : "I'm so sorry for your loss" "thanks" "I have to get back now" "ok" 'Bye" "bye" Not exactly one of the most memorable conversations. In fact, there is a good chance I just butchered that part. The part I remember is walking in the wet cemetery, completely alone, just hoping/wishing to hear something like, "stop" or "wait just a second" and then would come the part where he ran after me, we hugged ... and lived happily ever after. Well, that didn't come- but he is happily married to a beautiful young lady, and I am happy where I am. But the long, cold, walk that day still lives in my mind.
3. Story three
Bumps, ditches, potholes, all of these we tried to avoid while driving down the road. I was one of 7 or 8 sitting in the back of the pickup while we made our way to the nearest baptistry. My friend and I were chosen from the group to go be present at a very private baptism. It took us 45 minutes one way to get there, and as much as we aimed to avoid those bumps and potholes they just kept jumping out in front of us. However, 45 minutes later, legs numb from sitting, hands sore from holding on, I was able to witness one of life's most precious moments. When you are able to watch someone be baptized, it brings up all kinds of emotions. Love, compassion, joy, and of course memories of our own experiences. It truly is a special moment and it was a precious gift that the 2 outsiders were allowed to be present.
Tonight in class at church I heard an amazing lesson. It was on making the decisions in life that will basically define us, both now and twenty years from now. it started me thinking on different paths I've taken so far in life, and the choices I have made. There have been some defining decisions, but only one or two that would be of the caliber that would change my life significantly. I'm not sure how often these choices come but I do think in the past 2 weeks I was able to make one. I went back to visit my beloved Oklahoma that I truly miss these days. I found myself in a situation very similar to times before. It's one of those times that when you're with someone, and you might not be even the least bit attracted (although I was) you are there because it is how you would have behaved in previous years mainly for 2 reasons: night of fun or to get your mind of someone else. I was hoping for the latter. Although I had a perfectly good time, I would say that we both it wasn't the same.
I say that to say this. There was a part of me that just wanted to eat, see a movie, catch up on old times, and have an enjoyable night with a good friend. There was never any definite promise of something more, or not something more? Anyway, I chose to not even explore the possibility because where I am now, is worlds away. And when my ultimate goal is to be across the world from where I am doing God's work, that seemed like an obstacle. And in all reality, I just needed to get someone out of my mind, and remember that there is a world full of people. The lesson I learned: I have made some little choices in the last 3 years that have led me to react completely different in situations. I am by no means close enough to my relationship with God, but while I am patiently waiting for His will for me, I plan on learning everything I can about Him, and His Son Jesus. There have got to be 100 different ways every day I could influence someone. Am I making the right choices? My current choice is this: I choose to help those that I can, but I am not going to put my personal life on hold. When I get around to having the time for one, I plan balancing it with my other goals. I do truly believe this is part of God's will in my life.
My stories all surrounded me around people. People includes emotions like love, loss, and confusion. I know there will be plenty of stories about miles I've traveled, but I am confident that I will be making them walking in the direction my Lord wants me to.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Te Amo Tía
"Te Amo Tía GiGi"
(I love you Aunt Gigi)
Precious precious words. This particular blog started with me pining away for blankie. You see, blankie and me, well we've been through a lot.... going to college, finding love, losing love, moving, traveling .... it seems like everywhere I go, my blankie has gone with me. As I lay here trying to remember some of the fondest memories I have of my blankie, I am immediately taken back to Nicaragua. I started doing mission work there every year approximately 10 years ago. One of the few possessions I kept from when I lived in a dorm room my freshman year (for a semester) was blankie. This means that the majority of time I spent in Nicaragua - every night I was able to lay my head down on blankie and thank the good Lord for blessing me with the ability to travel and do mission work. This is my passion.
So my attachment to blankie was a conscious decision. We traveled a lot in Nicaragua, and while I did not always know if there would be a bed for me to lay in at night, I would always have my blankie. Further, there is nothing sweeter than wrapping up with one of the niños for story time with blankie. So I'll just throw the pathetic plea of this particular blog in that I left it in Oklahoma 2 weeks ago. This is the longest I have gone without him. I'm trying to convince my cousin to overnight it to me, but I can't blame her for being busy. And so, instead of whining about how I'm not sleeping as well, I am going take joy in the great memories I have.
Back to Central America. I have done all kinds of mission work there: door-knocking; cooking; VBS; medical work in pharmacy; dental work; construction; and working with the children's home. The last is what really took my heart and gave me my passion for the mission field. While I have fond memories of working on the medical trips, etc. there is nothing as sweet as hearing those precious words "Tía,Tía!!!!!" when you've been gone. It doesn't matter if you were gone for 20 minutes or 10 months. The
niños taught a precious lesson of love. It was an automatic acceptance of us as family (tia- aunt) with no question. There were no expectations, limitations, etc. Being able to connect with others through the common bond of Christ is such an awesome thing. My heart pours love out for these children and this work. The diverse backgrounds they each come from, most of the horrible beyond our imagination, and yet they trust us and love us so openly. That truly is the power of God.
I grew so fond of this work, that I almost deferred law school for a year so I could go work down there on a permanent basis. However, it did not work out as planned, and so law school it was. However, I still managed to make 2-3 trips a year down there. Unfortunately the summer I had to start studying for the BAR exam, well.... that was the first trip I missed. It feels like it's been ages since I was down there to visit. There are a lot of reasons why I have not been able to go back, yet. Right now I am in a mission field, I am working with students on a university campus, and I love my job. One of the requirements though, is not that I can sing Father Abraham in spanish :)
So while I grow accustomed to a different blanket as I wait patiently for my blankie... I will reflect, rejoice, and renew my passion for the mission ministry that I was so involved in. We are leaving to go to New York in two weeks for a mission trip. My prayer is that we will be successful, safe, and serve the Lord, and that blankie is with me for it. I know that when I travel internationally, blankie will be there with me as well.
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