Answered Prayer

I have prayed for this one thing constantly it seems like for the past 2 weeks. I just didn't know what to do about it, and I've been too scared to pray about it because I've been afraid of the answer. I finally decided that whatever the answer, it is for my own good and I just need to trust that. So I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed. I have loved 2 guys in my life. Neither of which have ended up feeling the same way about me. So I have been very reluctant to give it a try.

In fact, having a good committed friendship with a guy is difficult for me. I never know when I'm going to say the wrong thing, or if it will come across too flirty, etc. But I have this friend whom I love with all my heart, and want nothing but the best for them. The problem is I don't know if I fit into that equation. So I have been praying about this friendship, and how should I proceed. If I were to be completely honest with the individual it would change everything, but I don't know how much longer I can keep the silence and the smiles.

So in my prayer I have asked for wisdom of what to say, patience for the answer, and for what i feel like could be something amazing. Friendships have such a powerful influence on our life, and it's amazing how my life has been changed for the better because of this. if nothing else, I can add it to the many blessing that I have been given by the Lord.

I'm worried about my friend. They seem withdrawn and not really talking at all to me very much anymore. i'm not sure if this is the Lord helping to prepare me to not be a part of their life, or if something is going on. I have to think that something is going on. There was a time when we prayed together, went to church together, and were able to just spend time with each other without there being any stress. Unfortunately, those times seem like such a distant past. What I would give to have them back.

More than anything in the world, I want my friend to be right with God and happy. I can take the heartache of losing a friendship if I know that ultimately it could better their relationship with God. I pray that I could be uplifting to the individual, but something I wonder if even that is something that I can do. How can i uplift someone that I can't seem to figure out what's going on, and what I have done to hurt or offend them so bad.
So yes, I have taken the chicken way out and blogged about it instead of going to that person. I don't even know how well received I would be at this point. This isn't really a blog meant to be read, just more of my own thoughts being worked out so that I can understand what I am thinking.