Those Pearly Gates. A place where there are no tears of loneliness, or waiting for the big gesture. What a magnificent place where our entire existence is to magnify and worship our God. We are called to walk like Jesus on this Earth, and our aim to be worthy of honor.
Unfortunately we get side-tracked by this thing called humanity. Our flesh and bone literally can stop us from being able to worship God to our fullest desires; our minds riddled with thoughts of the outside world and sin fighting to win over the good in us. In reality, all that really needs to happen is for a little darkness or doubt to find its home in your heart and things can go downhill from there.
Humanity can also keep us so busy and so focused on our emotions that we forget our ultimate aim is to glorify God here on Earth. Loving someone with a desire to be loved back to the point that you forget what blessings you already have from God sidetracks us.
In order to try and grasp what Heaven must be like, I am trying to grapple with the idea of humanity. There is so much to humanity that one could never write enough about it in one setting. If I were to write about what is currently running through my brain it would be hunger, grief, pain, laughter, and desire. The paradoxical sense of that statement itself is one of the things that, to me, makes humanity so beautiful.
We are only give one shot at humanity, and I know that I have spent too much time being "in the human world" and not enough time thanking my wonderful God for allowing me the opportunity to be human. I would love to think that I am going to spend more time enjoying the blessing that I have, and caring less for the human desires that I may have that are not to God's will. I understand that this will take my entire life to try and master, and that I will never achieve it fully. I take heart in knowing that as I try and follow Jesus's footsteps I am not walking alone. For He will be there by my side the entire way. Worthy of Heaven, I am not...nor will I ever be. Ready for Heaven and a bigger calling... most definitely.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
A Little Bit at a Time
Driving for 9 hours straight can definitely give a person time to think. What could have been, should have been, what could be... and sometimes you come to the realization that some things may just never be. So what if it's never meant to be? Is it what you really wanted in the first place, or is it just the idea of it. Somewhere deep in my heart it feels like it's saying just be patient, and it will come.
God's time. That is something I have not been doing so well with lately. I've spent a lot of time in prayer about it. I know that we are to pray for what we want and that our prayers will be answered in God's time. So maybe my heart just needs a xanax and I need to chill out. I keep having to remind myself that if what I am praying for I don't receive simply means that God has a much better plan out there for me. ;)
My prayer is for love. I have been truly heartbroken twice in my life. About 7 years apart, but the pain from the second reminded me a lot of the pain of the first. Fortunately, I had the wisdom that I knew it would eventually get better. It has left me a little gun shy though. I've decided that love just works in mysterious ways. Every time I think that I am done and I could just have been meant to live the single life someone new walks into my life, and I get the courage to try again.
Again, back to the driving... for the record- praying, ALWAYS good, however sometimes it's a good thing to keep your eyes on the road.
So I have been praying for love, a specific love actually, and praying that I remember things happen in God's time, It could be that this prayer is just waiting to blossom into one of the most wonderful loves I could ever experience and either one or the other is not ready. Or there could be an even more amazing love out there for me. It's so easy to type that and ready it objectively, it's another for the heart to feel it. So I guess what I'm getting at is pray that my lil bruised heart will find love and that it will happen in God's time.
God's time. That is something I have not been doing so well with lately. I've spent a lot of time in prayer about it. I know that we are to pray for what we want and that our prayers will be answered in God's time. So maybe my heart just needs a xanax and I need to chill out. I keep having to remind myself that if what I am praying for I don't receive simply means that God has a much better plan out there for me. ;)
My prayer is for love. I have been truly heartbroken twice in my life. About 7 years apart, but the pain from the second reminded me a lot of the pain of the first. Fortunately, I had the wisdom that I knew it would eventually get better. It has left me a little gun shy though. I've decided that love just works in mysterious ways. Every time I think that I am done and I could just have been meant to live the single life someone new walks into my life, and I get the courage to try again.
Again, back to the driving... for the record- praying, ALWAYS good, however sometimes it's a good thing to keep your eyes on the road.
So I have been praying for love, a specific love actually, and praying that I remember things happen in God's time, It could be that this prayer is just waiting to blossom into one of the most wonderful loves I could ever experience and either one or the other is not ready. Or there could be an even more amazing love out there for me. It's so easy to type that and ready it objectively, it's another for the heart to feel it. So I guess what I'm getting at is pray that my lil bruised heart will find love and that it will happen in God's time.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Answered Prayer
I have prayed for this one thing constantly it seems like for the past 2 weeks. I just didn't know what to do about it, and I've been too scared to pray about it because I've been afraid of the answer. I finally decided that whatever the answer, it is for my own good and I just need to trust that. So I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed. I have loved 2 guys in my life. Neither of which have ended up feeling the same way about me. So I have been very reluctant to give it a try.
In fact, having a good committed friendship with a guy is difficult for me. I never know when I'm going to say the wrong thing, or if it will come across too flirty, etc. But I have this friend whom I love with all my heart, and want nothing but the best for them. The problem is I don't know if I fit into that equation. So I have been praying about this friendship, and how should I proceed. If I were to be completely honest with the individual it would change everything, but I don't know how much longer I can keep the silence and the smiles.
So in my prayer I have asked for wisdom of what to say, patience for the answer, and for what i feel like could be something amazing. Friendships have such a powerful influence on our life, and it's amazing how my life has been changed for the better because of this. if nothing else, I can add it to the many blessing that I have been given by the Lord.
I'm worried about my friend. They seem withdrawn and not really talking at all to me very much anymore. i'm not sure if this is the Lord helping to prepare me to not be a part of their life, or if something is going on. I have to think that something is going on. There was a time when we prayed together, went to church together, and were able to just spend time with each other without there being any stress. Unfortunately, those times seem like such a distant past. What I would give to have them back.
More than anything in the world, I want my friend to be right with God and happy. I can take the heartache of losing a friendship if I know that ultimately it could better their relationship with God. I pray that I could be uplifting to the individual, but something I wonder if even that is something that I can do. How can i uplift someone that I can't seem to figure out what's going on, and what I have done to hurt or offend them so bad.
So yes, I have taken the chicken way out and blogged about it instead of going to that person. I don't even know how well received I would be at this point. This isn't really a blog meant to be read, just more of my own thoughts being worked out so that I can understand what I am thinking.
In fact, having a good committed friendship with a guy is difficult for me. I never know when I'm going to say the wrong thing, or if it will come across too flirty, etc. But I have this friend whom I love with all my heart, and want nothing but the best for them. The problem is I don't know if I fit into that equation. So I have been praying about this friendship, and how should I proceed. If I were to be completely honest with the individual it would change everything, but I don't know how much longer I can keep the silence and the smiles.
So in my prayer I have asked for wisdom of what to say, patience for the answer, and for what i feel like could be something amazing. Friendships have such a powerful influence on our life, and it's amazing how my life has been changed for the better because of this. if nothing else, I can add it to the many blessing that I have been given by the Lord.
I'm worried about my friend. They seem withdrawn and not really talking at all to me very much anymore. i'm not sure if this is the Lord helping to prepare me to not be a part of their life, or if something is going on. I have to think that something is going on. There was a time when we prayed together, went to church together, and were able to just spend time with each other without there being any stress. Unfortunately, those times seem like such a distant past. What I would give to have them back.
More than anything in the world, I want my friend to be right with God and happy. I can take the heartache of losing a friendship if I know that ultimately it could better their relationship with God. I pray that I could be uplifting to the individual, but something I wonder if even that is something that I can do. How can i uplift someone that I can't seem to figure out what's going on, and what I have done to hurt or offend them so bad.
So yes, I have taken the chicken way out and blogged about it instead of going to that person. I don't even know how well received I would be at this point. This isn't really a blog meant to be read, just more of my own thoughts being worked out so that I can understand what I am thinking.
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