I alluded to a book I'm reading titled My Life As An Experiment in my last blog. I have decided to blog about some of the thoughts I have on the book. It's fascinating! It's sort of an autobiography- he is a journalist who decided to start living out experiments and then writing about them. This particular chapter is about Radical Honesty.
As a Christian I know that we are supposed to live an honest life, and that includes the telling the truth part. This experiment goes beyond that. The author, A.J. Jacobs, in addition to telling the truth also says whatever he is thinking. He does admit in the chapter that he was not able to follow this 100%. He began research on the topic by speaking to Brad Blanton, the founder of Radical Honesty. One of the situations that intrigued me follows:
A friend of Jacobs lost his wife. In the process of coping, he started writing poetry. He asked Jacobs to read his poetry and give a professional response to what he thought about it. A.J. didn't particular think the poetry was great, but wrote the man back and told him it was wonderful. After having some guilt over not following his radical honesty commitment, he told Blanton what he had happened. Jacobs justification was that the man was going through a hard time, and needed some compassion in his life, not more unhappy news. The response he got amazes me, "authentic caring underneath your usual intellectual b.s. and overvaluing of your critical judgment. Your lie is not useful to him. In fact, it is simply avoiding our responsibility as one human being to another. that's okay. It happens all the time. It is not a mortal sin. But don't b.s. yourself about it being kind." Wow. To me, that's a new kind of thinking. To me, this goes along with the principal of whether or not those little white lies are helpful or not.
At one point in the relatinship between Jacobs and Blanton Jacobs sends an email to Blanton expressing his resentment over a responsive email Blanton sent him. The email Blanton sent back was this, "What you don't seem to get yet, A.J. is that the reason for expressing resentment directly and in person is so that you can experience in your body the sensation that occur when you express the resentment, while at the same time being in the presence of the person you resent, and so you can stay with them until the sensations arise and recede and then get back to neutral- which is what forgiveness is."
This is so applicable to our lives today, especially mine. It is so simply to send a text message, email, or Facebook message saying how unfair you think a decision is. Or worse, reading tone into a text message, and assuming the worst about someone. I am not a huge fan of confrontation, but I am a firm believer in not holding grudges. My very wise father told me that I am too quick to completely write someone off and remove them from my life once I have been betrayed by them. My previous thinking on the matter was this- I don't hold a grudge against them, I hope they do well in life. They just don't have to interact with my life. (this unfortunately has happened more than I would like to admit) Therefore I am working on, not necessarily being an antagonistic person, but working on not withdrawing from the world or completely writing off people. I still have major trust issues with people, but I guess that is something that I will have to continually work on and pray about.
Here is the part that I don't necessarily agree with. Blanton suggests that you don't just practice honestly, but say whatever pops into your brain when it does. An example, Jacobs mentions to a colleague during a business meeting that, yes, he had just tried to look down her shirt. (He does end up apologizing and explaining the situation) He also announces while he is in a room with his wife and parents-in-law that he is now bored... and walks out. This part of Radical Honesty could have major consequences. While I have not made these particular comments, I have unfortunately said what I was thinking at the moment to other colleagues at work. It's safe to say that I am still working on my cooperation with other offices. =)
So here is what I am left to think about: do I tell the person that while I would trust them with my life, I wouldn't let them near my heart with a ten foot pole. Or how about, yep... you've wiggled your way into my heart.. but I don't trust you as far as I could throw you. It's just a matter of time before you prove me right about the world again. Lastly, I guess at some point my nephew is going to catch on and actually understand when I say to him (in a sweet loving voice) I love you so much, but I that constant drool is annoying, and stop thieving my stuff. In all fairness... the last time he threw up on me, I managed to not vomit and successfully clean it up. Okay... I gagged a little. =)
I want to give the book proper credit, so here is where the information I based this blog on is from.My Life as an Experiment (One Man's Humble Quest to Improve Himself) by A.J. Jacobs. The other individual mentioned here is Brad Blanton, the founder of Radical Honesty.
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