Everywhere I have been, every decision I've made has a little part in making me who I am today. So, while I've wondered "what if" from time to time, it's never been in a regretful way. I have often wondered how certain things would have gone if they had played out differently.
But this "what if" is mainly about what could be. What if I had the courage to make the changes that are running through my mind. And, I guess, when does it go from being a passing moment of home-sickness that will pass to a true desire for something more? I can't say that I've ever been a real big risk-taker. So for me to consider leaving something that is already great and I'm surrounded by people that I love to the unknown...well - it's terrifying to think it could be a disaster.
So, what if I had the courage to say I wish I could do something different. Or, I wish I could prove that I'm not like everyone else and that there is something different about me. Something loyal and good - just give me a chance. This past break has been an amazing one, but it's given me the time to actually think about what I want. What used to be so clearly defined in my mind of how things were going to be has just been turned upside down.
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