Letters and Numbers

It amazes me how two number 51, or I don't feel the same, you were wrong this time, etc. It seems that wherever we go we can be haunted by these symbols and characters that follow us around. Taunting us, reminding us of our dreams, failures, almosts, and successes.

What about the number 28. While I could give you a textbook list of accomplishes and other important achievements, I still can't answer the basic question "who am I" and "what do I want to be doing"? I love my job, but my dream job is to be a missionary out in the field doing God's work. I feel like somewhere deep down inside me it's there....waiting....my potential. I just stay so overwhelmed and struggling to stay afloat that it keeps getting pushed back. So the biggest number i see is zero- which is about my confidence level these days.

So if you see me I don't necessarily answer or response it means I'm in my own little world trying to make a peace with myself that will allow me to face the world. It is much harder for some of than for others. And lately it's been a real struggle. I am not the type to talk through things, and did quite a bit of that earlier....it didn't work out so well. So please pray that this slump will go away soon. And if you know me on a more personal level.... please be patient and forgiving if it seems like I am bailing on you. It's not that I don't enjoy speaking or being with you..right now I am just haven't to work a little harder on myself for awhile.

Yes, I need help and prayers. I am not ready to talk it through yet though, so please be patient. And I know you will try to be because I am surrounded by amazing people. I just wish I could be amazing for them back.

It's A Great Day

It's been a great day. Yep. There's something about this time of year that I just love. It's hard to put into words. Usually I am able to write what I am thinking a lot easier than I am able to speak it. I've been really happy lately, and I have been trying find the reason or words to express why things have been going so great.

I have come to the conclusion that everything is what is so great. No, I'm not delusional. Yes, my life does have stress and the occasional crisis. The thing is that even during those times God has provided me with the support that I need to make it through those times. So I guess for tonight, the blog is short and sweet. Thank you God, I have been incredibly blessed.

Laughter and Intensity

I love to laugh. This is not something I have just figured out about myself, but it's a fact I thought I'd share. I'm sitting in a hotel room with the nice peace and quiet, and of course I have comedy on. I love to laugh. I have been having a conversation with a dear friend of mine about my fear of intensity. It's not like I want to run screaming from it, I'd rather just lie in a fetal position and wish the feeling away. So I'm trying to explain why I'm scared of things that are intense, when I realize that I myself and an intense person. Now, I'm incredibly laid back, but I noticed .... when I laugh- I laugh OUT LOUD. I don't know how many time I have been chided in church, before services, for laughing to loud. I dyed my hair red....bright red. So does this mean that I should be scared of myself, if I am intense?

I'd say that I've given this a lot of thought...but really I haven't. One thought just randomly led to the next. =)

So I guess the lessons to be learned from this blog
1. No mom, I'm not sorry, and I will continue to laugh loud
2. Yes, if you are intense... I may just shy away from you- or just sprint away as fast as I can.
3. Note how I mentioned the red hair..... I sure do wish I still had red hair.... I'm much better at feisty red head than bubbly blonde.

Now that your intelligence has dropped for reading this- have a great night!

True Love lyrics

Thanks to the one who suggested this song. It's amazing :)


True Love - SOJA

Just like the land that bear the name Africa,
Love is on my mind.
It’s for everyone no matter where you’re from,
Love, it cross all lines.
Like the feeling of all the seasons changing,
Love is a memory
And in these last days, when iniquity blazing,
Truth Love Speaks.

Chorus:I need true love
Do you know what you mean to me
Does it show as I live and I breath
In the valley of the shadow, I know you’ll be.
I defense, I conquer death
I conquer the enemy (envy).

What is love really if it only affects, one aspect of life?
That’s like a musician who only accepts, his own musical type.
That’s like a preacher who only respects sunday morning, and not
saturday night
That’s how a soldier can come to reflect,
that Love is more than a man and a wife.

In a time of plenty, Jah gonna keep I strong.
Things get how and I keep cool, yeah,
Jah gonna keep me strong.
When InI cup is empty,
Jah gonna keep I strong.
When InI cup is full, yeah,
Jah keep I from their temptation.