Here is a lesson I have learned in the last 3 days- when you have an infection in your lungs, and it feels like you are breathing water... well, talking isn't high on the priority list. This leaves a lot of time for reflection, prayer, reading....
No question is truly silent. Since He knows our thoughts, He will always know the questions on our heart. The answers, they come with patience and leaning completely on God. Everything else, is .... well.... not worth mentioning. :)
Thanks be to God for this powerful lesson - on questions and answers that is.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Time Tells
Randomly, as of Sunday morning my bedroom clock is now the correct time. I never bothered to "fall back" and just calculated an hour off the time to make it correct. Now it's back to the correct time.
Today I was thinking about what was going on this time last semester. It's funny how things change, or sometimes they don't. Either way... time passes and continues to go forward.
Today I was thinking about what was going on this time last semester. It's funny how things change, or sometimes they don't. Either way... time passes and continues to go forward.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Every Mile a Memory
3 Random Stories and maybe a connection
1. Story One
If one is, let's just say 3 and half years younger than her brother, it would take quite a bit of running to always catch up in time to go play. Growing up I was allowed to play with Tommy and his friends on occasion. Most of the time we were on our way to the creek, and playing in the pasture to get there. One day I remember in particular. It was usually just my brother, me, and his best friend. On that day though, our neighbor came along as well. As odd as this sounds, I somehow ended up in the pasture with my feet covered in thorns/spurs. (It doesn't sound odd to find me somewhere without shoes....but we were a good half mile or so from the house) Anyway, it was quite painful, and I remember Tommy getting the neighbor to let me ride on his back the whole way home so that Tommy could help pick them out of my feet. I don't remember crying, or it being really that painful. I'm not entirely sure how I lost my shoes (although...it must have been a foreshadowing of my life these days), why Tommy didn't bring me back, but was there with me. Anyway, the walk from through the pasture was a long one. Me, being stubborn, would ever so often say "I can walk" and the friend, being a good friend, would let me down to try and pick me up when it hurt. That trip back to the house was one of the longest walks I remember. I was completely dependent on someone else to get back. That takes a lot of trust from me, but Tommy said it was okay and so I went.
2. Story Two
It was one of the coldest, dreariest, and without a doubt lonely walks I've ever had to make. In early spring, it is not unusual to find rainy days where it would be nice to curl up in bed and sleep it away. In this story you'll find yourself reading about a young lady who is at a grave site. She was there by the request of the individual who had just broke her heart and turned her world upside down. However, tragedy trumps broken heart every time, and so there I was. It was after the graveside service, and people were just paying respects, crying, etc. It was a family I had grown to know and love for three years, and so I to felt sorrow with them. Anyway, it was time for me to quietly, and with what little dignity I felt like I still had, make my way to the car and slip away. Of course I said goodbye... which literally was something like this : "I'm so sorry for your loss" "thanks" "I have to get back now" "ok" 'Bye" "bye" Not exactly one of the most memorable conversations. In fact, there is a good chance I just butchered that part. The part I remember is walking in the wet cemetery, completely alone, just hoping/wishing to hear something like, "stop" or "wait just a second" and then would come the part where he ran after me, we hugged ... and lived happily ever after. Well, that didn't come- but he is happily married to a beautiful young lady, and I am happy where I am. But the long, cold, walk that day still lives in my mind.
3. Story three
Bumps, ditches, potholes, all of these we tried to avoid while driving down the road. I was one of 7 or 8 sitting in the back of the pickup while we made our way to the nearest baptistry. My friend and I were chosen from the group to go be present at a very private baptism. It took us 45 minutes one way to get there, and as much as we aimed to avoid those bumps and potholes they just kept jumping out in front of us. However, 45 minutes later, legs numb from sitting, hands sore from holding on, I was able to witness one of life's most precious moments. When you are able to watch someone be baptized, it brings up all kinds of emotions. Love, compassion, joy, and of course memories of our own experiences. It truly is a special moment and it was a precious gift that the 2 outsiders were allowed to be present.
Tonight in class at church I heard an amazing lesson. It was on making the decisions in life that will basically define us, both now and twenty years from now. it started me thinking on different paths I've taken so far in life, and the choices I have made. There have been some defining decisions, but only one or two that would be of the caliber that would change my life significantly. I'm not sure how often these choices come but I do think in the past 2 weeks I was able to make one. I went back to visit my beloved Oklahoma that I truly miss these days. I found myself in a situation very similar to times before. It's one of those times that when you're with someone, and you might not be even the least bit attracted (although I was) you are there because it is how you would have behaved in previous years mainly for 2 reasons: night of fun or to get your mind of someone else. I was hoping for the latter. Although I had a perfectly good time, I would say that we both it wasn't the same.
I say that to say this. There was a part of me that just wanted to eat, see a movie, catch up on old times, and have an enjoyable night with a good friend. There was never any definite promise of something more, or not something more? Anyway, I chose to not even explore the possibility because where I am now, is worlds away. And when my ultimate goal is to be across the world from where I am doing God's work, that seemed like an obstacle. And in all reality, I just needed to get someone out of my mind, and remember that there is a world full of people. The lesson I learned: I have made some little choices in the last 3 years that have led me to react completely different in situations. I am by no means close enough to my relationship with God, but while I am patiently waiting for His will for me, I plan on learning everything I can about Him, and His Son Jesus. There have got to be 100 different ways every day I could influence someone. Am I making the right choices? My current choice is this: I choose to help those that I can, but I am not going to put my personal life on hold. When I get around to having the time for one, I plan balancing it with my other goals. I do truly believe this is part of God's will in my life.
My stories all surrounded me around people. People includes emotions like love, loss, and confusion. I know there will be plenty of stories about miles I've traveled, but I am confident that I will be making them walking in the direction my Lord wants me to.
1. Story One
If one is, let's just say 3 and half years younger than her brother, it would take quite a bit of running to always catch up in time to go play. Growing up I was allowed to play with Tommy and his friends on occasion. Most of the time we were on our way to the creek, and playing in the pasture to get there. One day I remember in particular. It was usually just my brother, me, and his best friend. On that day though, our neighbor came along as well. As odd as this sounds, I somehow ended up in the pasture with my feet covered in thorns/spurs. (It doesn't sound odd to find me somewhere without shoes....but we were a good half mile or so from the house) Anyway, it was quite painful, and I remember Tommy getting the neighbor to let me ride on his back the whole way home so that Tommy could help pick them out of my feet. I don't remember crying, or it being really that painful. I'm not entirely sure how I lost my shoes (although...it must have been a foreshadowing of my life these days), why Tommy didn't bring me back, but was there with me. Anyway, the walk from through the pasture was a long one. Me, being stubborn, would ever so often say "I can walk" and the friend, being a good friend, would let me down to try and pick me up when it hurt. That trip back to the house was one of the longest walks I remember. I was completely dependent on someone else to get back. That takes a lot of trust from me, but Tommy said it was okay and so I went.
2. Story Two
It was one of the coldest, dreariest, and without a doubt lonely walks I've ever had to make. In early spring, it is not unusual to find rainy days where it would be nice to curl up in bed and sleep it away. In this story you'll find yourself reading about a young lady who is at a grave site. She was there by the request of the individual who had just broke her heart and turned her world upside down. However, tragedy trumps broken heart every time, and so there I was. It was after the graveside service, and people were just paying respects, crying, etc. It was a family I had grown to know and love for three years, and so I to felt sorrow with them. Anyway, it was time for me to quietly, and with what little dignity I felt like I still had, make my way to the car and slip away. Of course I said goodbye... which literally was something like this : "I'm so sorry for your loss" "thanks" "I have to get back now" "ok" 'Bye" "bye" Not exactly one of the most memorable conversations. In fact, there is a good chance I just butchered that part. The part I remember is walking in the wet cemetery, completely alone, just hoping/wishing to hear something like, "stop" or "wait just a second" and then would come the part where he ran after me, we hugged ... and lived happily ever after. Well, that didn't come- but he is happily married to a beautiful young lady, and I am happy where I am. But the long, cold, walk that day still lives in my mind.
3. Story three
Bumps, ditches, potholes, all of these we tried to avoid while driving down the road. I was one of 7 or 8 sitting in the back of the pickup while we made our way to the nearest baptistry. My friend and I were chosen from the group to go be present at a very private baptism. It took us 45 minutes one way to get there, and as much as we aimed to avoid those bumps and potholes they just kept jumping out in front of us. However, 45 minutes later, legs numb from sitting, hands sore from holding on, I was able to witness one of life's most precious moments. When you are able to watch someone be baptized, it brings up all kinds of emotions. Love, compassion, joy, and of course memories of our own experiences. It truly is a special moment and it was a precious gift that the 2 outsiders were allowed to be present.
Tonight in class at church I heard an amazing lesson. It was on making the decisions in life that will basically define us, both now and twenty years from now. it started me thinking on different paths I've taken so far in life, and the choices I have made. There have been some defining decisions, but only one or two that would be of the caliber that would change my life significantly. I'm not sure how often these choices come but I do think in the past 2 weeks I was able to make one. I went back to visit my beloved Oklahoma that I truly miss these days. I found myself in a situation very similar to times before. It's one of those times that when you're with someone, and you might not be even the least bit attracted (although I was) you are there because it is how you would have behaved in previous years mainly for 2 reasons: night of fun or to get your mind of someone else. I was hoping for the latter. Although I had a perfectly good time, I would say that we both it wasn't the same.
I say that to say this. There was a part of me that just wanted to eat, see a movie, catch up on old times, and have an enjoyable night with a good friend. There was never any definite promise of something more, or not something more? Anyway, I chose to not even explore the possibility because where I am now, is worlds away. And when my ultimate goal is to be across the world from where I am doing God's work, that seemed like an obstacle. And in all reality, I just needed to get someone out of my mind, and remember that there is a world full of people. The lesson I learned: I have made some little choices in the last 3 years that have led me to react completely different in situations. I am by no means close enough to my relationship with God, but while I am patiently waiting for His will for me, I plan on learning everything I can about Him, and His Son Jesus. There have got to be 100 different ways every day I could influence someone. Am I making the right choices? My current choice is this: I choose to help those that I can, but I am not going to put my personal life on hold. When I get around to having the time for one, I plan balancing it with my other goals. I do truly believe this is part of God's will in my life.
My stories all surrounded me around people. People includes emotions like love, loss, and confusion. I know there will be plenty of stories about miles I've traveled, but I am confident that I will be making them walking in the direction my Lord wants me to.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Te Amo Tía
"Te Amo Tía GiGi"
(I love you Aunt Gigi)
Precious precious words. This particular blog started with me pining away for blankie. You see, blankie and me, well we've been through a lot.... going to college, finding love, losing love, moving, traveling .... it seems like everywhere I go, my blankie has gone with me. As I lay here trying to remember some of the fondest memories I have of my blankie, I am immediately taken back to Nicaragua. I started doing mission work there every year approximately 10 years ago. One of the few possessions I kept from when I lived in a dorm room my freshman year (for a semester) was blankie. This means that the majority of time I spent in Nicaragua - every night I was able to lay my head down on blankie and thank the good Lord for blessing me with the ability to travel and do mission work. This is my passion.
So my attachment to blankie was a conscious decision. We traveled a lot in Nicaragua, and while I did not always know if there would be a bed for me to lay in at night, I would always have my blankie. Further, there is nothing sweeter than wrapping up with one of the niños for story time with blankie. So I'll just throw the pathetic plea of this particular blog in that I left it in Oklahoma 2 weeks ago. This is the longest I have gone without him. I'm trying to convince my cousin to overnight it to me, but I can't blame her for being busy. And so, instead of whining about how I'm not sleeping as well, I am going take joy in the great memories I have.
Back to Central America. I have done all kinds of mission work there: door-knocking; cooking; VBS; medical work in pharmacy; dental work; construction; and working with the children's home. The last is what really took my heart and gave me my passion for the mission field. While I have fond memories of working on the medical trips, etc. there is nothing as sweet as hearing those precious words "Tía,Tía!!!!!" when you've been gone. It doesn't matter if you were gone for 20 minutes or 10 months. The
niños taught a precious lesson of love. It was an automatic acceptance of us as family (tia- aunt) with no question. There were no expectations, limitations, etc. Being able to connect with others through the common bond of Christ is such an awesome thing. My heart pours love out for these children and this work. The diverse backgrounds they each come from, most of the horrible beyond our imagination, and yet they trust us and love us so openly. That truly is the power of God.
I grew so fond of this work, that I almost deferred law school for a year so I could go work down there on a permanent basis. However, it did not work out as planned, and so law school it was. However, I still managed to make 2-3 trips a year down there. Unfortunately the summer I had to start studying for the BAR exam, well.... that was the first trip I missed. It feels like it's been ages since I was down there to visit. There are a lot of reasons why I have not been able to go back, yet. Right now I am in a mission field, I am working with students on a university campus, and I love my job. One of the requirements though, is not that I can sing Father Abraham in spanish :)
So while I grow accustomed to a different blanket as I wait patiently for my blankie... I will reflect, rejoice, and renew my passion for the mission ministry that I was so involved in. We are leaving to go to New York in two weeks for a mission trip. My prayer is that we will be successful, safe, and serve the Lord, and that blankie is with me for it. I know that when I travel internationally, blankie will be there with me as well.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Fountain of Youth
Ponce de León, and many other spent a great deal of time searching for the Fountain of Youth. The Fountain is said to restore the youth of those who drink of its waters. I've been thinking about youth a lot lately, and the blessing and curses involved with youth. Now, the Fountain of Youth is written about in historical passages, mythological stories, and other writings. Here are my three questions:
1. Is it a restoration of physical youth?
2. Is it a restoration of emotional & psychological youth?
3. or both?
I rarely write about my job, mainly due to confidentiality reasons, but in this particular blog I am going to be commenting on my work. During the interview, I was asked a common question - what would be your greatest strength for this position? (for the random reader... I was 25, and interviewing to be Dean of Students). I remember looking them directly in the eye and saying my youth. I went into the interviewing expecting that my age was going to be of some concern. Yes, I have a college degree, a doctorate, and I'm a licensed attorney- but I was 25. I can remember one of the gentlemen's jaw drop at my response.
Why on earth would I say youth? Here is why- to me in order to be able to not just "discipline" students, but to interact with the student body, I honestly feel like you should be somewhere near their age. I explained that while I was younger than most applicants, I also spent three years in law school where I was trained specifically to deal with actions and consequences. This was to deal with, I felt, was the source of concern...would I be able to discipline someone so close to my age. This area of my job- I probably have the least problems with. It breaks my heart to have to discipline, but the rules and policies are in place, and I will always stay strictly to the policy for every individual involved.
Now, having that all said, I will go back to my original questions about the Fountain of Youth. While I guess I can somehow understand the appeal of being restored to a physical youth... I will be honest when I say that I do not think I could spend part of my life searching for something that would take me emotionally & psychologically backward. Going to a state university, I learned a lot about the real world, and managed to hang on to my faith. That is not to say I have never messed up, but at the end of my education, I still realized that I wanted to do God's work first.
While I have had several individuals comment on how difficult it must be to be so close to the students' age, I can honestly say the blessing outweigh any costs involved. Yes, rumors are constantly spread about me showing favoritism or acting in some unprofessional way. My response is this- I do not show favoritism. If you don't believe me, you can ask some of my closest friends, and they (if they choose) will tell you that I discipline everyone the same. I value every student equally on campus as a student. However, if at the end of the work day, I choose to be friends with any of them, that is my right as a person.
There is nothing in the handbook that states that I cannot connect with the student body- be it through friendships, mentoring, dating, etc. Does this mean that I am going to forget the example I am setting for others,absolutely not. However, at the end of the day I am a young adult who is surrounded constantly by people within my age group. I have students who are older than me. I have dated individuals younger in the past quite a bit younger than a lot of the students at the school, as well as older individuals. I will not apologize for who I am as an individual. I do my best every day to let Jesus shine through me. Some days are harder than others, but that doesn't mean I quit trying. I am human, and I know I'm not perfect... but no one is.
I will never do anything to jeopardize my integrity or my at the school. If I ever question if something were to be appropriate i have always asked for the advice of my colleagues, and boss. I truly feel like that while some choose to believe what they wish about me, those who truly know me will know that I am always there for any and every student. Sometimes this means advocating against the administration, crying with a student who's heartbroken, or disciplining a student. My intentions are always for the best of Freed-Hardeman and for those I work for and with. When I say those I work for- understand this... yes FHU writes my paycheck, but I am VERY aware that I work in student services. Our job is to serve the students. If there were no students, we would have no reason to exist.
While my youth sometimes makes me more "compassionate" as they like to call it ... and I have been told I will grow out of it. I choose to say that it's love for where I work, and the work I do. So, if i choose to be friends with, go on a date with, or spend time with students. I am not breaking any kind of rule. I am just being human like everyone else. Yes, I have had two birthdays since I started work and so I am physically older... I have also learned that while I am growing emotionally and "growing up," I am also still learning to deal with not only the joys the students share with me, but also the pain. At the end of the day, I still am able to relate very well to the students. That is part of why I was hired- to bridge the gap between the students and the administration. Every day I pray that I am doing my best at my job, being the best possible influence i can be, make the right decisions (even when they break my heart), and to help those that I am able to. This is probably the only post I will ever make so directly about my job, but it's been on my heart, because sometimes i feel misunderstood- by lots of people on campus, not just the students. So as for the Fountain of Youth- I will take my age .. as it is... and in this particular period of my life, I am convinced that i am right where I belong.
1. Is it a restoration of physical youth?
2. Is it a restoration of emotional & psychological youth?
3. or both?
I rarely write about my job, mainly due to confidentiality reasons, but in this particular blog I am going to be commenting on my work. During the interview, I was asked a common question - what would be your greatest strength for this position? (for the random reader... I was 25, and interviewing to be Dean of Students). I remember looking them directly in the eye and saying my youth. I went into the interviewing expecting that my age was going to be of some concern. Yes, I have a college degree, a doctorate, and I'm a licensed attorney- but I was 25. I can remember one of the gentlemen's jaw drop at my response.
Why on earth would I say youth? Here is why- to me in order to be able to not just "discipline" students, but to interact with the student body, I honestly feel like you should be somewhere near their age. I explained that while I was younger than most applicants, I also spent three years in law school where I was trained specifically to deal with actions and consequences. This was to deal with, I felt, was the source of concern...would I be able to discipline someone so close to my age. This area of my job- I probably have the least problems with. It breaks my heart to have to discipline, but the rules and policies are in place, and I will always stay strictly to the policy for every individual involved.
Now, having that all said, I will go back to my original questions about the Fountain of Youth. While I guess I can somehow understand the appeal of being restored to a physical youth... I will be honest when I say that I do not think I could spend part of my life searching for something that would take me emotionally & psychologically backward. Going to a state university, I learned a lot about the real world, and managed to hang on to my faith. That is not to say I have never messed up, but at the end of my education, I still realized that I wanted to do God's work first.
While I have had several individuals comment on how difficult it must be to be so close to the students' age, I can honestly say the blessing outweigh any costs involved. Yes, rumors are constantly spread about me showing favoritism or acting in some unprofessional way. My response is this- I do not show favoritism. If you don't believe me, you can ask some of my closest friends, and they (if they choose) will tell you that I discipline everyone the same. I value every student equally on campus as a student. However, if at the end of the work day, I choose to be friends with any of them, that is my right as a person.
There is nothing in the handbook that states that I cannot connect with the student body- be it through friendships, mentoring, dating, etc. Does this mean that I am going to forget the example I am setting for others,absolutely not. However, at the end of the day I am a young adult who is surrounded constantly by people within my age group. I have students who are older than me. I have dated individuals younger in the past quite a bit younger than a lot of the students at the school, as well as older individuals. I will not apologize for who I am as an individual. I do my best every day to let Jesus shine through me. Some days are harder than others, but that doesn't mean I quit trying. I am human, and I know I'm not perfect... but no one is.
I will never do anything to jeopardize my integrity or my at the school. If I ever question if something were to be appropriate i have always asked for the advice of my colleagues, and boss. I truly feel like that while some choose to believe what they wish about me, those who truly know me will know that I am always there for any and every student. Sometimes this means advocating against the administration, crying with a student who's heartbroken, or disciplining a student. My intentions are always for the best of Freed-Hardeman and for those I work for and with. When I say those I work for- understand this... yes FHU writes my paycheck, but I am VERY aware that I work in student services. Our job is to serve the students. If there were no students, we would have no reason to exist.
While my youth sometimes makes me more "compassionate" as they like to call it ... and I have been told I will grow out of it. I choose to say that it's love for where I work, and the work I do. So, if i choose to be friends with, go on a date with, or spend time with students. I am not breaking any kind of rule. I am just being human like everyone else. Yes, I have had two birthdays since I started work and so I am physically older... I have also learned that while I am growing emotionally and "growing up," I am also still learning to deal with not only the joys the students share with me, but also the pain. At the end of the day, I still am able to relate very well to the students. That is part of why I was hired- to bridge the gap between the students and the administration. Every day I pray that I am doing my best at my job, being the best possible influence i can be, make the right decisions (even when they break my heart), and to help those that I am able to. This is probably the only post I will ever make so directly about my job, but it's been on my heart, because sometimes i feel misunderstood- by lots of people on campus, not just the students. So as for the Fountain of Youth- I will take my age .. as it is... and in this particular period of my life, I am convinced that i am right where I belong.
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